What to do, what to do, what to do???
I am sure you have all had days where things are either going so great or so awful that you just freeze in your spot. Although we may face trials and celebrations on a daily basis but what do we do when a decision has to be made and we don’t know which way is up because our head is spinning with the apparent weight of the world around us. It can severly limit the direction that we take if we take any action at all. The truth is we all go through seasons and sometimes we just break under all that stress.
I remember when I was in grade 11, I found out that I had a heart problem a birth defect that needed to be addressed because I was deeply fatigued and would fall asleep quite easily. My heart had what is called a coartation of the aorta (it was narrowed) so my heart was pumping blood inconsistently and my heart beat was irregular. I remember making the decision to go ahead with the surgery quite clearly (but thats a story for another day). If I had not had the surgery the doctors said that I would not have lived to be 25…I just recently celebrated my 31st bday…for this I am thankful and believed that it was a blessing.
Heres the crux! I had lost my voice and 30kg as a result of the surgery and had my head shaved a few weeks before (more stories for another day). I really looked like I was on my deathbed, not a pretty sight.I had my surgery September 1st going into my grade 12 year, for which I had been elected to Student Council’s VP (very good memories). School started back up on the 8th of September and I was back to school as of the 21st. I felt fine (sure I had 38 staples in my back holding me all together) as I so needed to be part of the team and the goings on at my favorite place at the time. Many friends at the time were concerned and kept a watchful eye at that time.
I was foolish to go back so soon, it is a decision I regret now…not because I am unhealthy which I am not but because I did not realize that even when you are overwhelmed your body mind and soul picks up everything that is happening to you. When I had my surgery although I was sleeping and on serious medication, my body was registering every cut, tug and stitch as it was being violated. Trust me I know it sounds weird but it is true. Ihad not given my body enough time to recover from the shock and trauma that it went through. I had not given enough time to grieve. Although I was healed and had a full recovery physically my heart was still sick…I just did not know it yet.
Fast forward to February the following year, I went through one of the darkest seasons of my life during that month. I became depressed more so than normal although I never let on…there were quite a few sad watery nights. The strange part was that I was aware of what was going on and apparently seemed incapable of doing anything about it. This went on for sometime until I realized that I had to do something, anything that might get the wheel moving because I had grinded to halt. I’ll be honest with you the only thing that seemed to make a difference was prayer and my relationship with God. The more that I spent time reading and having solace instead of filling my head with noise to try and drownout the other noises that were threatening to cave in on me the clearer my head became.
The reason why I share this today is that I have to remind myself to continue to do what works for me…all too often it is easy to get distracted by more noise and as a result when we face those monumental decisions we freeze and stop. Every decision that we make influences the next, even what clothes we choose to wear can drastically change our day. For those who may read this and do not believe in God…that is ok…but maybe you should try some solace for a few moments everyday…I believe that if you do decisions that you must make will become easier.
“I can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.”-Maya Angelou
I am sure you have all had days where things are either going so great or so awful that you just freeze in your spot. Although we may face trials and celebrations on a daily basis but what do we do when a decision has to be made and we don’t know which way is up because our head is spinning with the apparent weight of the world around us. It can severly limit the direction that we take if we take any action at all. The truth is we all go through seasons and sometimes we just break under all that stress.
I remember when I was in grade 11, I found out that I had a heart problem a birth defect that needed to be addressed because I was deeply fatigued and would fall asleep quite easily. My heart had what is called a coartation of the aorta (it was narrowed) so my heart was pumping blood inconsistently and my heart beat was irregular. I remember making the decision to go ahead with the surgery quite clearly (but thats a story for another day). If I had not had the surgery the doctors said that I would not have lived to be 25…I just recently celebrated my 31st bday…for this I am thankful and believed that it was a blessing.Heres the crux! I had lost my voice and 30kg as a result of the surgery and had my head shaved a few weeks before (more stories for another day). I really looked like I was on my deathbed, not a pretty sight.I had my surgery September 1st going into my grade 12 year, for which I had been elected to Student Council’s VP (very good memories). School started back up on the 8th of September and I was back to school as of the 21st. I felt fine (sure I had 38 staples in my back holding me all together) as I so needed to be part of the team and the goings on at my favorite place at the time. Many friends at the time were concerned and kept a watchful eye at that time.
I was foolish to go back so soon, it is a decision I regret now…not because I am unhealthy which I am not but because I did not realize that even when you are overwhelmed your body mind and soul picks up everything that is happening to you. When I had my surgery although I was sleeping and on serious medication, my body was registering every cut, tug and stitch as it was being violated. Trust me I know it sounds weird but it is true. Ihad not given my body enough time to recover from the shock and trauma that it went through. I had not given enough time to grieve. Although I was healed and had a full recovery physically my heart was still sick…I just did not know it yet.
Fast forward to February the following year, I went through one of the darkest seasons of my life during that month. I became depressed more so than normal although I never let on…there were quite a few sad watery nights. The strange part was that I was aware of what was going on and apparently seemed incapable of doing anything about it. This went on for sometime until I realized that I had to do something, anything that might get the wheel moving because I had grinded to halt. I’ll be honest with you the only thing that seemed to make a difference was prayer and my relationship with God. The more that I spent time reading and having solace instead of filling my head with noise to try and drownout the other noises that were threatening to cave in on me the clearer my head became.
The reason why I share this today is that I have to remind myself to continue to do what works for me…all too often it is easy to get distracted by more noise and as a result when we face those monumental decisions we freeze and stop. Every decision that we make influences the next, even what clothes we choose to wear can drastically change our day. For those who may read this and do not believe in God…that is ok…but maybe you should try some solace for a few moments everyday…I believe that if you do decisions that you must make will become easier.
“I can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.”-Maya Angelou
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